Friday, December 18, 2009

Essential Quotes: 2008

i. On Jessica Simpson: “Blond like Clorox sunshine. Breasts like plucked guinea hens: undercooked and overstuffed. Jackknifing legs that split the air like seesaws. She’s got that high-maintenance pout. She’s got her own money: She can buy your house just to use the toilet.” —Lisa Taddeo (“The Case for Jessica Simpson”: Esquire, 05.2008)

ii. “The fact that George Clooney is handsome is a priori truth. Triangles have three sides, and Clooney is handsome. Yet the terrible thing about the Net is that even priori truths are called into question.” —AJ Jacobs ("It’s Clooney, by George”: Esquire UK, 11.2008)

“You have high expectations for people because you have high expectations for yourself.” —Gisele Bündchen (“Gossip Girl”: GQ, 07.2008)

iv. “If you eat Chinese food, your farts come out like Chinese food. If you eat Mexican food, your farts come out like Mexican food. And milk, it’s like, you can smell the warmth in the fart.” —Megan Fox (“Obsession”: GQ, 12.2008)

v. On her high school life: “I didn’t fit into the popular group. I wasn’t a hippie or a stoner, so I ended up being the weirdo. I was interested in classical ballet and music, and the kids were quite mean if you were different. I was one of those people that people were mean to. When that happened, instead of being a doormat, I decided to emphasize my differences. I didn’t shave my legs. I had hair growing under my arms. I refused to wear makeup, or fit the ideal of what a conventionally pretty girl would look like. So of course I was tortured even more, and that further validated my superiority, and helped me to survive and say, ‘I’m getting out of here, and everyone is a heathen in this school. You don’t even know who Mahler is!’ ” —Madonna ("Madonnarama!": Vanity Fair, 05.2008)

On men: When we ask you how our asses look in a particular pair of jeans, you should always be brutally honest and completely positive at the same time. How you accomplish this is up to you.” —Leslie Mann ("10 Things You Don't Know About Women"; Esquire, 04.2008)

Teach your children everything that you're not because they will pick up on everything that you are. —Rachel Hunter ("What I've Learned"; Esquire, 04.2008)

viii. “I just finished shooting my second film. I’ve got nothing lined up after that. My plan is to see what happens. God laughs when you make plans.” —Sam Riley (“Creative Business”: GQ, 02.2008)

ix. “Big into yoga? Cool. You’re gonna die. Eating nothing but oats and acai berries? Excellent. You’re gonna die. Whatever your name is, it’s soon to be featured on the business side of a tombstone. Your ticket is booked. One way, nonstop to the undiscovered country. You know this already. Everybody does. But it’s easy to forget. Because living, with its drama and its errands, its gossip and its headlines, conspires to make us forget.”
—Benjamin Alsup (“Reminder of the Month: Death!”; Esquire, 04.2008)

x. “There's an old saying that God exists in your search for him. I just want you to understand that I ain't looking.” —Leslie Nielsen ("What I've Learned"; Esquire, 04.2008)


dreamwalker said...

I'm trying to figure out the theme...why does Megan Fox's quote have to be there?

See you tonight?

Visual Velocity said...

dreamwalker: There's no theme.

Galing ng quote ni Megan, di ba? :p

VICTOR said...

You forgot Tina Fey: "And I can see Russia from my house!" LOL.

Visual Velocity said...

Victor Gregor: Good Lord, where is she from again? That woman has bionic eyes. :D

joyfulchicken said...

Megan Fox is wrong. I eat lots of Chinese food, but my fart smells like rotten potatoes.

VICTOR said...

I know. LOL. SNL saved me from this year's shitload.

Visual Velocity said...

joyfulchicken: Deities are never wrong. Megan Fox is a deity--therefore she's never wrong. Hehehe.

Victor Gregor: Were you able to watch SNL's "All the Single Ladies" shtick with Justin Timberlake? Classic. :p

Oman said...

Fellowship, feasting, giving and receiving gifts are all the buzzwords in a Christmas setting. Make your Christmas a one to cherish for years!

Visual Velocity said...

Lawstude: Happy holidays! :)

Panaderos said...

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, Pards!

Visual Velocity said...

Panaderos: Long time no hear, hehe! Happy holidays! :)

Raft3r said...

ay, bakit di mo ko na-quote?

Visual Velocity said...

I'm saving your quote for next year. Di ba sabi ni Vanessa Williams "Save the best for last" ? :D

Happy holidays, Raft3r!

Raft3r said...

sige na nga

happy 2010, andy!!!

Visual Velocity said...

Raft3r: Kamusta na laptop mo? Bili ka na kasi ng bago, tutal New Year naman, hehe.

Maligayang New Year! Iputok na, este putukan na, haha! :D

日月神教-任我行 said...