Saturday, May 1, 2010

New Moon (2009)

There they are, running around shirtless in the woods. Don't werewolves get cold? What about pneumonia?

"One hundred eight degrees over here," says Jacob Black (Taylor Lautner), pointing to his chest.

"My hands are freezing," Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart) shivers. "Must be nice never getting cold."

"It's a wolf thing," Jacob answers.

In New Moon, last year's sequel to Twilight, the formerly lanky Jacob Black cuts his hair and beefs up.

"Hello biceps," Bella stares at Jacob.

It's been months since they last saw each other and Ms. Swan is quite taken by the gorgeous, newly rejuvenated lump of flesh she's seeing. Her "vegan" lover, the vampire Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson), dumped her on her 18th birthday. "This is the last time you'll see me," he said, then took off.

The breakup deeply affected Bella, pushing her to long bouts of emo moments. "You've disappeared like everything else," she wrote in her journal. "When you left, you took everything with you. It's like a huge hole has been punched through my chest."

That was before she saw Jacob's bulging pecs. These, of course, promptly made her change her mind. "He makes me feel better," she said, referring to her studly werewolf friend. "I mean, he makes me feel alive. The hole in my chest... well, when I'm with Jake it's like it's almost healed for a while."

When Bella's rendezvous with her motorcycle resulted in a near fatal road mishap, I started having migraine.

"Oh man, your head," Jacob says, promptly taking off his shirt to wipe her wound.

Bella blushed.

"You're sort of beautiful," she says.

Jacob smiles. "How hard did you hit your head?"

My thought exactly. How hard did Bella hit her head? I hope she didn't bump her head too hard. There are two more Twilight movies we have to watch.


The Scud said...

and the third is showing very, very soon. aaarggghhh!!!

Visual Velocity said...

The Scud: At least they were able to get Bill Condon to direct the final chapter. Buti na lang para naman maiba. :P

citybuoy said...

don't get me wrong. i love twilight and everything but i can't help but agree with this fanpage i saw on FB. haha it says Twilight: taking the 'n' out of fangs since 2007.

i guess as long as you don't take it too seriously like some kids do these days..

Visual Velocity said...

ʎonqʎʇıɔ: Haha, hilarious! I'll try to look for that Twilight fan page. :D

I think the problem with the Twilight franchise is the screenplay. Horrible writing. They should crucify the scriptwriter, heheh

citybuoy said...

something tells me if they made the screenplay deeper, the kids wouldnt like it as much. think nicholas sparks in message in a bottle and nicholas sparks in a walk to remember. lol

plus i don't think meyer is that great a writer. idk iguro nega lang ako. haha but i saw all of the movies. read the first two books too. haha

Visual Velocity said...

ʎonqʎʇıɔ: I only saw the two movies; I wouldn't go as far as reading the books. That would be pure torture. I think I'd go nuts. :D

I'm looking forward to seeing Breaking Dawn, though. It will be directed by Bill Condon. He's one of my favorite directors. He did Gods and Monsters several years back. I wonder what possessed him to do a Twilight flick. Oh yeah, money. :D

citybuoy said...

i saw gods and monsters. sir ian mckellen and brendan fraser right? it's kinda like when cuaron did the HP series. money makes the world go round. :D

ShatterShards said...

I've read some of the books; it's not the screenwriters' fault at all. Most of the dialog for the film was lifted out of the book to appease the fans.

I think some critics had it right, the reason why the series was so bad was because it took all the sex out of the vampire story, and if you consider it, vampires are all about the sex. A vampire story without any libido is sadly not a story at all.

Sweet Valley High had much more sex than those twinkling vampires.

Visual Velocity said...

ʎonqʎʇıɔ: On the other hand, it's good that these indie directors were hired to give these big budget movies the creative jolt they badly needed. I just can't help myself but think of them as sellouts, though. Don't get me wrong; I still worship the ground Cuaron and Condon walk on. :D

Visual Velocity said...

ShatterShards: I haven't read the books so I really don't know who to blame: Stephenie Meyer or Melissa Rosenberg, the scriptwriter.

Hmm, can I crucify them both? Hehe

Raft3r said...

di ko ito kinaya

happy weekend, andy!!!

Visual Velocity said...

Raft3r: Ganyan ko ka gusto ang New Moon. Parang yung pagmamahal ko kay Bonsai. Ganung level. :P

VICTOR said...

I have a suspicion that the Twilight thinktank has to come up with new tricks soon. I mean, other than having Taylor Lautner flaunt his anatomy every few minutes. I sometimes find myself yawning whenever I see Jacob skin on TV, and I don't think I'm alone in this.

In other words: Pattinson, beef up, will you? LOL.

citybuoy said...

with his pale, waifish almost feather like aura, who wouldn't want to see rob topless?


日月神教-任我行 said...


Visual Velocity said...

victor: Pattinson beefed up. He displayed his barely there six pack while writing on the floor of the Volturi's Italian hideaway. Grabe, hindi na nahiya. Giling nang giling sa sahig. Heheh

ʎonqʎʇıɔ: Bella would love to see Edward topless. And so does Jacob (kunwari pa siya, hahah)

Raft3r said...

it just dawned on me na yun tsiks dyan ay yun anak ni jodie sa panic room

Visual Velocity said...

Raft3r: Oo nga pala, hehe. Pero mas gusto ko siya dun sa Panic Room kesa sa New Moon. Bias ba? Haha

Raft3r said...

basta pa konek ke jodie ayos na sakin

Visual Velocity said...

Raft3r: Haha, sure no prob

Raft3r said...

new movie ni jodie pangalan "the beaver"
parating na ang mga lesbian jokes nito

Visual Velocity said...

Raft3r: Haha, ganda ng title. Pero mas bagay yang title na yan kay Bonsai. :D

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