Saturday, May 1, 2010

New Moon (2009)



There they are, running around shirtless in the woods. Don't werewolves get cold? What about pneumonia?

"One hundred eight degrees over here," says Jacob Black (Taylor Lautner), pointing to his chest.

"My hands are freezing," Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart) shivers. "Must be nice never getting cold."

"It's a wolf thing," Jacob answers.

In New Moon, last year's sequel to Twilight, the formerly lanky Jacob Black cuts his hair and beefs up.

"Hello biceps," Bella stares at Jacob.

It's been months since they last saw each other and Ms. Swan is quite taken by the gorgeous, newly rejuvenated lump of flesh she's seeing. Her "vegan" lover, the vampire Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson), dumped her on her 18th birthday. "This is the last time you'll see me," he said, then took off.

The breakup deeply affected Bella, pushing her to long bouts of emo moments. "You've disappeared like everything else," she wrote in her journal. "When you left, you took everything with you. It's like a huge hole has been punched through my chest."

That was before she saw Jacob's bulging pecs. These, of course, promptly made her change her mind. "He makes me feel better," she said, referring to her studly werewolf friend. "I mean, he makes me feel alive. The hole in my chest... well, when I'm with Jake it's like it's almost healed for a while."

When Bella's rendezvous with her motorcycle resulted in a near fatal road mishap, I started having migraine.

"Oh man, your head," Jacob says, promptly taking off his shirt to wipe her wound.

Bella blushed.

"You're sort of beautiful," she says.

Jacob smiles. "How hard did you hit your head?"

My thought exactly. How hard did Bella hit her head? I hope she didn't bump her head too hard. There are two more Twilight movies we have to watch.

23 comments:

The Scud said...

and the third is showing very, very soon. aaarggghhh!!!

Andy said...

The Scud: At least they were able to get Bill Condon to direct the final chapter. Buti na lang para naman maiba. :P

ʎonqʎʇıɔ said...

don't get me wrong. i love twilight and everything but i can't help but agree with this fanpage i saw on FB. haha it says Twilight: taking the 'n' out of fangs since 2007.

i guess as long as you don't take it too seriously like some kids do these days..

Andy said...

ʎonqʎʇıɔ: Haha, hilarious! I'll try to look for that Twilight fan page. :D

I think the problem with the Twilight franchise is the screenplay. Horrible writing. They should crucify the scriptwriter, heheh

ʎonqʎʇıɔ said...

something tells me if they made the screenplay deeper, the kids wouldnt like it as much. think nicholas sparks in message in a bottle and nicholas sparks in a walk to remember. lol

plus i don't think meyer is that great a writer. idk iguro nega lang ako. haha but i saw all of the movies. read the first two books too. haha

Andy said...

ʎonqʎʇıɔ: I only saw the two movies; I wouldn't go as far as reading the books. That would be pure torture. I think I'd go nuts. :D

I'm looking forward to seeing Breaking Dawn, though. It will be directed by Bill Condon. He's one of my favorite directors. He did Gods and Monsters several years back. I wonder what possessed him to do a Twilight flick. Oh yeah, money. :D

ʎonqʎʇıɔ said...

i saw gods and monsters. sir ian mckellen and brendan fraser right? it's kinda like when cuaron did the HP series. money makes the world go round. :D

ShatterShards said...

I've read some of the books; it's not the screenwriters' fault at all. Most of the dialog for the film was lifted out of the book to appease the fans.

I think some critics had it right, the reason why the series was so bad was because it took all the sex out of the vampire story, and if you consider it, vampires are all about the sex. A vampire story without any libido is sadly not a story at all.

Sweet Valley High had much more sex than those twinkling vampires.

Andy said...

ʎonqʎʇıɔ: On the other hand, it's good that these indie directors were hired to give these big budget movies the creative jolt they badly needed. I just can't help myself but think of them as sellouts, though. Don't get me wrong; I still worship the ground Cuaron and Condon walk on. :D

Andy said...

ShatterShards: I haven't read the books so I really don't know who to blame: Stephenie Meyer or Melissa Rosenberg, the scriptwriter.

Hmm, can I crucify them both? Hehe

Raft3r said...

nyahaha
di ko ito kinaya
hehe

happy weekend, andy!!!

Andy said...

Raft3r: Ganyan ko ka gusto ang New Moon. Parang yung pagmamahal ko kay Bonsai. Ganung level. :P

victor said...

I have a suspicion that the Twilight thinktank has to come up with new tricks soon. I mean, other than having Taylor Lautner flaunt his anatomy every few minutes. I sometimes find myself yawning whenever I see Jacob skin on TV, and I don't think I'm alone in this.

In other words: Pattinson, beef up, will you? LOL.

ʎonqʎʇıɔ said...

with his pale, waifish almost feather like aura, who wouldn't want to see rob topless?

(silence)

日月神教-任我行 said...

AV,無碼,a片免費看,自拍貼圖,伊莉,微風論壇,成人聊天室,成人電影,成人文學,成人貼圖區,成人網站,一葉情貼圖片區,色情漫畫,言情小說,情色論壇,臺灣情色網,色情影片,色情,成人影城,080視訊聊天室,a片,A漫,h漫,麗的色遊戲,同志色教館,AV女優,SEX,咆哮小老鼠,85cc免費影片,正妹牆,ut聊天室,豆豆聊天室,聊天室,情色小說,aio,成人,微風成人,做愛,成人貼圖,18成人,嘟嘟成人網,aio交友愛情館,情色文學,色情小說,色情網站,情色,A片下載,嘟嘟情人色網,成人影片,成人圖片,成人文章,成人小說,成人漫畫,視訊聊天室,性愛,性感影片,正妹,聊天室,
情色論壇

Andy said...

victor: Pattinson beefed up. He displayed his barely there six pack while writing on the floor of the Volturi's Italian hideaway. Grabe, hindi na nahiya. Giling nang giling sa sahig. Heheh

ʎonqʎʇıɔ: Bella would love to see Edward topless. And so does Jacob (kunwari pa siya, hahah)

Raft3r said...

it just dawned on me na yun tsiks dyan ay yun anak ni jodie sa panic room
ayos!
hehe

Andy said...

Raft3r: Oo nga pala, hehe. Pero mas gusto ko siya dun sa Panic Room kesa sa New Moon. Bias ba? Haha

Raft3r said...

basta pa konek ke jodie ayos na sakin
hehe

Andy B. said...

Raft3r: Haha, sure no prob

Raft3r said...

new movie ni jodie pangalan "the beaver"
parating na ang mga lesbian jokes nito
hehe

Andy B. said...

Raft3r: Haha, ganda ng title. Pero mas bagay yang title na yan kay Bonsai. :D

Unknown said...

網頁設計 網路行銷 關鍵字廣告 關鍵字行銷 餐飲設備 製冰機 洗碗機 咖啡機 冷凍冷藏冰箱 蒸烤箱 關島婚禮 巴里島機票 彈簧床 床墊 獨立筒床墊 乳膠床墊 床墊工廠 產後護理之家 月子中心 坐月子中心 坐月子 月子餐 銀行貸款 信用貸款 個人信貸 房屋貸款 房屋轉增貸 房貸二胎 房屋二胎 銀行二胎 土地貸款 農地貸款 情趣用品 情趣用品 腳臭 長灘島 長灘島旅遊 ssd固態硬碟 外接式硬碟 記憶體 SD記憶卡 隨身碟 SD記憶卡 婚禮顧問 婚禮顧問 水晶 花蓮民宿 血糖機 血壓計 洗鼻器 熱敷墊 體脂計 化痰機 氧氣製造機 氣墊床 電動病床 ソリッドステートドライブ USB フラッシュドライブ SD シリーズ